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I Guess I'm Really Talking About Memory

by Nate Rogers

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1.
Red Flags and Red Dresses 02:53
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Every time I talk about the way things used to be you look at me with condescending eyes I don't want to be the man who wakes up next to you the day that you make up your troubled mind Who do you think you are? Who do you think... You got a minute to talk, or send a text, or post a pic of drinking wine Just let me know you're alive 'Cause I don't think you understand the cartwheels that my mind puts itself through When I don't hear from you Who do you think you are? Who do you think... What new stories are you selling? Subjective realities Filled with red flags and red dresses I've never seen this girl before I don't know you anymore Who do you think you are? Who do you think... What new stories are you selling? Subjective realities Filled with red flags and red dresses I've never seen this girl before I don't know you anymore
2.
Catch You 03:04
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You know we tried to warn you And we knew you wouldn't listen If you gotta be that way, then just be that way Who are we to argue? So try, try You got this There's no one there to catch you You wouldn't want that anyway So try, try You got this There's no one there to catch you You wouldn't want that anyway Everybody's hopeful But everybody loves a train wreck Maybe you don't realize It's passive suicide And we're just gonna watch you So try, try You got this There's no one there to catch you You wouldn't want that anyway So try, try You got this There's no one there to catch you You wouldn't want that anyway There you go, running away backwards Tripping over your mistakes and dreams Maybe you needed a hand Maybe that's why you can't let go? So try, try You got this There's no one there to catch you You wouldn't want that anyway So try, try You got this There's no one there to catch you You wouldn't want that anyway You don't want that anyway
3.
Undefeated 02:28
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When you saw me walking on Columbia Street What were you thinking? Did you see it coming? 'Cause I was blind Obsessed with ends, not beginnings Here at the end of this dreadful year You swooped in and saved me Pulled me from the wreckage, and you scratched my arm Reminded me I'm alive So baby if you're in this for the long haul I'll never let you feel cheated And if you're willing to give it your all We might go undefeated Yeah if you're willing to give it your all We might go undefeated
4.
Fine 03:38
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Save me Everybody thinks I’m fine Everybody says it’s fine Why did everybody lie? Break me I can’t be the strong one anymore I don’t have the strength anymore to keep everyone alive You don’t know how dark it gets when you turn out the lights The sun can rise a million times but the panic always sets in in under fifteen minutes Inundated with my limits Asymptotic to the finish I’m never getting there I’m never getting there Take me Curled up on the bathroom floor Gently touch my throat once more I can’t keep all of this inside Wake me Before you bury me alive I’m just a little air-deprived Why is everybody crying? Slip out the door, my lips are sealed, but you ask me anyway Your concern is just a burden that I can’t handle today I promise you I’m getting better She can’t leave if I don’t let her Just give me respite from this weather so I can catch a breath Just one breath Save me Everybody thinks I’m fine Everybody says it’s fine Why did everybody lie? Why did everybody lie? I’m so afraid I’m not okay I’m so afraid I’m not okay I’m not okay
5.
The Pain of Returning Home 04:31
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Today I thought I saw the future in your arms I'm standing on a narrow staircase, and you were gone Covered outlets in the floor And every path a threadbare carpet to the door One day all these journals will be a celebrated memoir There's bars in my windows but no windows in my bars A deck they built for overlooking someone's yard Fences gone, the pool is empty, no lifeguard Been 30 years, the neighbor grew up She tried so hard and I just balked and I'm still hung up on why I swear I've got it all recorded but nobody's got a VCR There's bars in my windows but no windows in my bars Under the sumac tree you'll find my memories Under rocks, they're just bones Bury me, bury me, under rocks Bury me, bury me, I'm just bones Today I thought I saw the future in your eyes It's brighter than the light I'm used to; I'm paralyzed Don't let me drag you down into a life that's just a desperate throwback to easier times And for every tribulation, only seven left a permanent scar There's bars in my windows but no windows in my bars
6.
Cul De Sac 03:12
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Hey I saved my pennies for today Deliberately in the rain Building up to take the blame I think that I'm just gonna go This cul de sac's a dead-end road I'll drive in circles while the world explodes I think that maybe we've plateaued Hey All these awful words I say You mishear and bat away Until the ugly dawning breaks I think that I'm just gonna go This cul de sac's a dead-end road I'll drive in circles while the world explodes I think that maybe we've plateaued You were right, I was wrong But now I've waited too long I never said what I never meant But now I've waited too long
7.
North Dakota 04:00
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2000 miles to go 'til I can see you in that dress again And the approaching overpass And I pretend we're gonna crash As I mentally compose you a letter 'Cause I know at you're at home and I know that you're laughing I know that you're happy And it's safe to say that you ain't wondering about me 90 goes forever And we ain't seen shit since Buffalo And wasn't Mackinac a sight? And did you see the Northern Lights? And I say "Yeah...but what am I missing?" 'Cause I know that you're at home, and I know who you're kissing I'm stuck reminiscing about my own life four days ago Westward, eastward Just get me back home Westward, eastward Just get me back home This isn't fun anymore This isn't fun anymore Sleep all day 'cause I'm restless and I've got too much to dream about And did I even have a say? Why am I spending every day with a Slaughter tape and a book about Lightning? 'Cause I know how these things go Someone's moving in on ya Here comes the insomnia And we've set the stage for the next twenty years Westward, eastward Just get me back home Westward, eastward Just get me back home This isn't fun anymore This isn't fun anymore eastward Just get me back home This isn't fun anymore eastward Just get me back home
8.
I Guess I'm Really Talking About Memory 01:04
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9.
So It Goes, Idaho 02:43
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So it goes Looks like we've run out of nothings to say Still we're okay We travel so well But all of those pictures you promised to send I'll never see Alien landscapes So unforgiving "Is this where you're planning to kill me?" she said And we laughed So we go Speeding towards something or speeding away Will I be okay? Shaking fingers The cop asks me if I've got something to hide It's all on my sleeve Crossing the border Replacing pictures But I can't take pictures of her next to me There's no you and me So it goes Idaho So it goes Idaho
10.
Eulogy 01:40
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I owe you a goodbye And so much more than that Feels like I've run out of words Feels like a heart attack You're going home You got away Your heart's not as fragile as they say You didn't want to believe And in hindsight I can't fault you for that I left, and we both moved on And I lied in "Soon as You're Gone" You're going home You got away Your heart's not as fragile as they say One last goodbye and one last thanks Your heart's not as fragile as they say Your heart's not as fragile as they say

about

All songs written in February 2017 as part of the RPM Challenge.
www.rpmchallenge.com
All songs recorded over two nights in an empty office at MIT, with an iPhone 6, an acoustic guitar, and a vintage Casio SK-1.

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released March 1, 2017

Words and music by Nate Rogers
Background noise in "North Dakota" courtesy a million crickets in Galway NY in August 2015

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Nate Rogers Somerville, Massachusetts

just a dude with a guitar and anxiety problems

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